Shine, Baby, Shine

Sitting upstairs in my bedroom, I began to think about Jesus. Simply, the man and who he was and how he lived when he was on this Earth. It struck me as somewhat ironic, that this man, the Son of God, who created numberless worlds and could have manifested himself in such a way that there would have been little doubt that he was in fact a god. The SON of THE God, no less. And yet, what did he do? He lived humbly as a carpenter’s son, barely noticed by his social and economic class.

He didn’t force anyone to hear his message. He was a man of love, of truth, of charity. Yet, his mission was that he would sacrifice his life for all of us…which he did. His purpose was clear and he stayed on his directed path, never faltering, even when he was faced with magnificent temptation. (Mark 1:9-13, Luke 4:1-14)

We all want to have our shot in the limelight. Who doesn’t think it would be fantastic to be popular and be noticed for our talents? Yet, how many of us are truly ‘popular’ as defined by the world’s standards? Have we found ourselves shifting gears and stumbling off our path in an attempt to be noticed? To be popular in the standards of this world?

I know I have. Many times. And each time I’ve detoured off my path, life gets amazingly harder and things are never quite right. Things I thought were important, (IE:Materialism) became less so as the different areas of my life crumbled.

As I pondered over my Savior, my thoughts shifted to my own life and what legacy I will leave behind. Will I be known as a gossip? A liar? The recovering alcoholic with the mental illness? My stomach dropped when I thought of every aspect of my life in which I’ve been rebellious and haughty. When my illness had gotten the best of me and my broken mind saw and caused things to be chaotic and painful…not only for me…but for my family and friends as well. These illnesses are not who I am…they are not what define me…they will not be the essence of my soul. I have these things…yes, for now… in this life… and I do what I can to control it. I will not allow these illnesses to control me. Heavenly Father knows my soul. It is with that truth I keep close to my heart, never allowing it to be the start of my drifting off course onto another path.

My light may not be noticed by the entire world, but it shines brightly by those who are near.

When you find yourself thinking you are not being of service to people, or are not receiving the opportunities to present your talents because of your own insecurities or that you may just be under the radar in your church, school or work…think about this: Jesus lived simply, but gave gloriously…in such a way that you and I will one day be able to live with Him again in perfection.

Live simply. Give gloriously…whether it be your talents, your wisdom, your sense of humor…you are a light. Never allow this world to define you. We know that it will end eventually. We have amazing things to look forward to.

Our light? Will shine on for all eternity…

Judging Isn’t Helping

“I saw her the other day and she was wearing short shorts. Obviously, she’s not practicing modesty.”

“Oh, is this a new thing in the Church? We gossip and condemn people who we think are slipping? I didn’t get that memo.”

A few months ago, I was on Facebook when another friend and I began to banter back and forth. In the exchange, I called him a jackass…without typing jack. I reasoned it was perfectly suitable for me to use that name because, well… he was being one. (You call a duck, a duck, right?)

Long story made very short: someone decided to be offended (not the person who received his new nickname though. I think he thought it was a compliment.) and in our conversation it was mentioned that I was losing my testimony and “What would my children think if they read that?”

Losing my testimony? What would my children think? Okay, this is confession time: I have probably said that word around my kids many times, usually with the word ‘Smart’ in front of it. If using that word meant losing my testimony, then sadly, I lost it a long time ago.

Obviously, the entire thing was an over-exaggeration and probably had little to do with my name choice. However, I felt condemned and judged and that wasn’t the first time I had felt that way.

In my two years of being a member of the church and my twenty plus years of being a Christian…my paths have crossed with the critical, the over-the-top zealots, and the condemners…all in the name of Jesus Christ.

As a new Christian, it can often take the wind out of your sails when you feel persecuted by your Christian brothers and sisters. When we see someone slipping away or having difficulties living the principles of the Gospel, how do we help them? How do we lift their spirits and provide encouragement without condemnation?

Refrain from passing judgement: That sounds easy enough, we all know Christ’s teachings about judging others. Yet, it is something we often forget.

I am guilty of passing judgement. I find myself tsk tsking people’s church attendance, their parenting style, and their understanding over certain church doctrine. I have also been on the receiving end of being judged…anywhere from my choice of movies, my tattoos, my ‘tell it like it is’ attitude and my parenting style. (Probably because I use that word around them. What do you think?)

When it comes to people who have slipped from the church, we should remember one simple thing: Free Agency.

“Agency is the ability and privilege God gives us to choose and to act for ourselves. Agency is essential in the plan of salvation. Without it, we would not be able to learn or progress or follow the Savior. With it, we are “free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil” (2 Nephi 2:27).”

Everyone’s spiritual journey is unique. We all have our own path and we all have our ups and downs. Being a Christian is not about developing a life of perfection. We are going to sin, it is in our nature. However, we can repent and ask for forgiveness.

It is not up to us to judge anyone. We are not God.

I have a hard time with people who claim to be unable to partake in certain things because of their roles in the Church, but do partake in hateful gossip and judgement Your position in any Church doesn’t give you a free pass to condemn others. If anything, you will be held to a higher standard, because whether you like it or not, people are looking to you for an example.

As Christians we should always be aware the world is watching us. Whilst we are not perfect, we should always try to live in a Christlike manner, refraining from gossip, judgement, and reckless living. If we see a fellow Christian slipping, instead of judging and whispering behind their back, how about calling him up and asking if there is anything we can do for them. Chances are what they really want is to be welcomed back. Or maybe not… but at least they know there is at least one person who cares and would be welcoming them back with open arms.

Judge not, that ye be not judged. ~Matthew 7:1

Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour. ~Exodus 20:16

The Parable of the Lost Son: Luke 15:11-32

My Words…Never Cease

Elder Holland’s testimony of continuing revelation.This touched my heart deeply. Each of us can have a testimony on revelation when we study the Scriptures and meditate with prayer and an open heart.

Continuing revelation does not demean nor discredit existing revelation.

Smothering the Spirit

A few weeks ago, I was studying the different books in the New Testament. In the book of Corinthians, Chapter 14, verse 10, Paul says:
“There are many kinds of voices in the world that compete with the voice of the Spirit.” At the time, it read just like any other verse and I chalked it into my memory bank of scriptures I’ve read and thought nothing of it.

This morning, I was fiddling with the car radio and turned it to the Hip Hop station. (Yes, I like Hip Hop. Don’t judge me.) When a rap song came on, I turned it up ready to get my jam on when that scripture came forth to my mind.

You got to be kidding, I thought. Seriously?

I sighed. Not happy. I turned the radio off and I waited.

Silence.

The Heavens did not open with glorious light. I did not hear the Voice of God telling me how awesome I am for obeying Him.

I shrugged and went to turn the radio on when again that scripture came to my mind in not a whisper…but a stern warning.

I turned the station to K LOVE and playing was the song: Light In Me by Brandon Heath.

As I listened to the song, I thought about how often we are bombarded with noise that takes away from listening to the Spirit. The light in all of our hearts are dimmed when the voice of The Spirit is smothered.

Murmuring voices with perceived injustices fill our ears…

The voices of whiners (including ourselves) cover our hearts…

The voices of seduction comes across on television and movies blind our eyes…

The voices of rebellion in our music and in our own speech sweep over our bodies…

These are the voices which smothers the voice of The Spirit.

I have found myself desiring ‘worldly’ things and finding reasons not to make time for Spiritual truths. I am guilty of developing a huge chip on my shoulder and think unbecoming things about people because they’ve hurt my feelings or angered me in some way. I have allowed the voices above to smother the voice of The Spirit. I’ve been haughty instead of humbled. I’ve been irritated instead of joyous. I’ve been rude instead of polite.

Today, as I drove around with the music from a Christian radio station softly playing, I realized how many times I have deprived myself from hearing the voice of The Spirit because of my attitude.

Isaiah tells us: “And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance forever. ~Isaiah 32:17

I want to ask you…how do you keep the voice of the Spirit from being smothered?

Being Humble in a Humble Way

“I can’t believe you’re Mormon.”

“I can’t believe you still think that hairstyle looks good on you.”

I’m not good at being tactful. I do try though and there are these moments in which I surprise myself with how amazingly subtle I can be. However, my being subtle is usually premeditated in regards to getting some much-needed information from a teenager.

Lately, I’ve been struggling with a few irritants of my fellow siblings in Christ. Before I joined the Church, I thought I’d never fit in because HELLO! MORMONS ARE FREAKING HAPPY AND PERFECT. My happiness usually stems from kicking back watching a UFC fight with The Husband. Obviously, not exactly ‘Mormon Mommy” behavior. Yet, not long after I joined, I realized, rather quickly, that Mormons are not perfect. They were not always happy. And I knew some to let their hair down and even shout: “Oh my heck!” You know, all ghetto like.

With the realization that my fellow Christian siblings were imperfect, I found myself torn with my feelings. On one hand I was relieved. I didn’t have to try to be something I wasn’t. Yet, on the other hand, I was disappointed. If they were perfect and their life was filled with hot cocoa, rainbows and jelly beans then I had a shot at having that too. I mean, C’mon? Who hasn’t wanted to have a little part of their life resemble the children’s cartoon Little Bear? Tranquil days filled with talking animals who normally would want to eat you, but have decided to be your friend because…YOU GUESSED IT: you were Mormon.

Being a convert is a challenge, especially when you’re married to a non-member. A friend of mine who is a convert in another religion told me she has the same feelings of inadequacies as I do.

“I always feel I have to know a little more church history than anyone else. I feel like I’m going to be tested on everything…which is silly, because the main reason why I joined my church was to develop a better relationship with Christ. My religion doesn’t teach or even condone the things I find myself feeling.”

I could relate.

Last Sunday, I had a meeting with my Bishop and I confessed to him my lack of testimony concerning callings. In the LDS church, ‘Callings’ are assignments or positions in which church members are asked to serve. In our church, we are asked to serve one another. We are taught that these callings are important and prayed about before the callings are extended. Usually, a calling for a person lasts a few years.

Usually.

But not for me.

I’ve had five callings in two years, none of which have lasted more than a few months. With the exception of one calling, I never have felt it fit me or was a benefit to anyone else.

You don’t choose or request your calling (even though I do mention what I’d like to do to anyone in the church who will listen.)

The thing is I have seen and felt good about others’ callings and felt it was divinely inspired. But just not with me.

And this is where the insecurities begin. I couldn’t help but wonder if the reason I wasn’t asked to having a calling that was more “my style” was because I was a convert with a non-member husband. Perhaps I couldn’t have a calling that I felt was important because I couldn’t handle it…being that I was all a convert and watched rated R movies. (It’s okay though. They were violent R-rated movies. Not sexual. See? I’m doing so well.)

More than anything…how could I inspire anyone when I couldn’t even inspire my husband to embrace the Gospel?

I had been invited by another ward last year to speak to the young women about chastity and modesty. I speak at other churches sharing my story with mental illness, addictions and letting go of the past. I can’t help but question why I’m not asked by the members of my own ward to share my talents. (Which is talking…if you haven’t guessed that already.)  Why am I not benefiting others in my ward by what I know how to do instead of being asked to bring a jello salad to a church gathering when I have no idea what a jello salad even is?

In my prayers yesterday, I started out by whining to my Heavenly Father. “Why, why, why? So not fair. Blah…blah…blahblahblah.” On and on I vented about how unfair it is to be a convert. How terrible it is that not all my children want to go to church. Why couldn’t God slap some faith into The Husband so I didn’t have to be at church spouse-less?

Mid-whine, I felt the Spirit and the words: “It isn’t about you. It’s about Me. It’s about your brothers and sisters.”

That’s what I would call being slapped by The Spirit upside your head.

Being truly humble and serving others with a whole heart isn’t your spotlight moment. It isn’t about how great and caring you are. It’s about the persons you are serving. It’s about God. It’s about His Son, Jesus Christ. It’s about love.

I started to think about my past callings and I realized that I could see how in even the smallest way, I was a benefit to at least one person. It may not have been huge or seen by anyone…but God showed it to me.

Today, I’ll be thinking about faith. I’ll be thinking of others and how I can meekly serve them with a humble heart and a giving spirit.

It’s not always about me. But it is… always about God.

Scriptures to Ponder On:

Fight the good fight of faith. – 2 Timothy 4:6-7

Glorify God by good works.- Matthew 5:16

Hold up God’s light. -3 Nephi 18:24