Here’s the thing:
I’m not Mormon enough for most Mormons and I’m not non-Mormon enough for those who aren’t Mormon. If you’re too uptight to take a little joking and hate it when someone uses the word FREAKING to describe a freaking hilarious scenario, then you probably shouldn’t read this blog. If you hate all Mormons and think all of them will burn forever in the fiery pits of Hell with Satan doing the Dougie in their faces, then this blog is obviously not for you either.
I was raised Catholic AND Southern Baptist. Yes, I still have a lot of guilt. I’m dealing with that. At age 20, I became a Jehovah’s Witness…which lasted about five years. (I couldn’t handle The Truth.)
After leaving the Witnesses, I dabbled with Buddhism, Wiccan, started attending a Pentecostal church and a few mega churches (mega churches AKA Chucky Cheese for Jesus!) in Anchorage.
In 2009, I was baptized in the Mormon Church. It was awesome because as a fan of Elvis, I got to finally wear a white jumpsuit. I looked hot. Don’t believe me? Here’s proof:
I’m a Mom of a teenage daughter who speaks to her dad and I as if she’s auditioning for a show on the Disney Channel, a pre-teen son who feels as if the entire world is out to get him (it is) a ten year old son who considers himself the Don Juan of the playground, and a beautiful eight year old little girl who is as cute as a newborn baby’s butt. Here we are Christmas 2009:
I’m married to a man who I fell in love with at work. You know when people say you shouldn’t get involved with co-workers? Listen to them. They’re right. I’m proof of this. You will marry said co-worker and breed. Whilst breeding brings enormous blessings…it also brings enormous boobs and enormous stretch marks. You’ve been warned.
I like to label myself as a writer and public speaker. I have written books which you’ve probably never read because I’m egotistical and only self publish. I’m a public speaker because sometimes I have to yell at my kids in public to motivate them to do the right thing. Motivational speaking at its finest. I have four kids to feed, so please by all means buy my book.
Feel free to comment and ask questions relating to Mormonism, parenting, writing, homeschooling and art projects. Hate speech such as vulgarity and profanity will not be tolerated. I will not comment on my underwear either…only to tell you that yes, I do wear them and they’re clean…because you never know if you’ll be in a car accident. And we all know that’s the first thing a doctor will check. (I know this because I watch Grey’s Anatomy. My grandmother was sooooo right.)