Not Always As Planned

Things don’t always go as planned.

A long time ago, there was this young girl who thought she had life pretty much figured out. There she is, barely twenty years old with a baby living in Alaska and set to show the world she could do it on her own without any help from anyone.

Yeah, she was a stubborn idiot.

And then she met a guy. A kid-like herself-who just wanted to have a good time and hey! So did she! Fun during those allotted three hours a week she wasn’t working and taking care of her baby.

Three hours a week they spent together-somewhat-because he was young with no responsibilities and she had tons of other things that took precedent over any social life.

She took what she could get, because love is a very peculiar thing.

Some have suggested she settled, but even now-after all that has happen end, she refuses to agree.

She didn’t settle. She just fell in love.

And of course, so did he. So they decide to marry, refusing to accept their blatant differences.

One had faith. The other didn’t need it.

One was optimistic and made plans. The other succumbed and gave up.

And now…many years later, the couple perceived by many who would live happily ever after…are no longer a couple.

 

I took a long break from this blog-not because my faith was wavering-but because the circumstances in my life had changed. How to write on this blog now-which was meant to be uplifting and encouraging for others… well, I couldn’t do it. Not when I couldn’t encourage myself.

2012 began with the ACCEPTANCE of my marriage unraveling. It is a private issue, obviously, and there are no need for specifics. It wasn’t an overnight decision, nor was it the result of one incident.

There’s no hate…and I doubt there ever will be.

Today, I received a letter from a sister in my ward which I’ve paraphrased and shorten to keep her anonymity.

“Jaime,

I heard about your separation and I am sorry. I don’t know the details, (and I don’t need to) but I wanted you to know I am praying for you and your family. My heart breaks for you and I pray for the best possible outcome.

I hope my letter is not offensive to you as we do not know each other that well. If it is, please forgive me and know  it is given in the spirit of love. Forgive me if I cause more hurt.”

With her letter she attached an article regarding The Atonement and how it helped someone survive their divorce. I cried as I read it, because somehow in the midst of all these months, I had forgotten I didn’t have to deal with this alone.

It’s been almost five years since the beginning of the demise of my marriage-and I’ve kept it to myself. I prayed, fasted, cried…and I told no one. Not even my closest friends knew anything was wrong…

And now here we are.

Now here I am…

The tone of this site will change somewhat as now I feel the need to write for myself and I can’t promise regular posts. What I can promise is I will always write with the Spirit.

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10

 

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One thought on “Not Always As Planned

  1. Jamie, I am so very sorry. I had a feeling in my heart that something was wrong, but didn’t have the courage to pursue it with you. Now I understand your absence from church, this blog, facebook, etc. Please let me help if you need me, You are a very special spirit. Love to you and your family. Mary

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